How to Catch a Monkey

 My dad unwittingly taught me, at a very young age, how to catch a monkey. Although I never thought I would need to catch one, useless information is information.  If I recall correctly, he and his buddies who were serving with him in Viet  Nam did this once or twice.  Either that or he’d seen a few Vietnamese perform the act.  Anyway here’s how you do it:  1) Take a coconut and cut a hole just big enough for an orange to fit in.  2) Secure the coconut to the ground with a chain or rope attached to a spike 3) place an orange into the hole.  4) There is no four.  You’re done.

The orange should barely fit through the hole but too large for a monkey’s hand and the bait to exit.  The monkey reaches in, grabs the fruit, and you got him!  That’s it.  It won’t let go of the fruit.  It just ain’t gonna happen!  You just walk up and get your monkey.  Isn’t that frickin’ hilarious!?  I’ve always thought that was soooo funny!   Stupid monkeys!  Ha ha!

Well, a few days ago I was over at a friend’s house washing my hands when suddenly the water wasn’t draining fast enough or at least not to my own pitiful standards.  I’ve done this so many times that I don’t even use a plunger anymore, I have a technique that I use by forming both my hands into a sort of suction cup and voila’!  On my third attempt I just about had it draining full speed when I remembered the story of the monkey trap.  I looked up into the mirror and I didn’t see me.  I saw a helpless little monkey with his hand stuck inside a coconut, refusing to let it go.   It’s not just slow sinks.  It’s toilets too!  Yeah.  I once swiftly repaired a toilet in a restaurant bathroom, washed my hands thoroughly (twice), then returned to eat my dinner!  I USED A PLUNGER BY THE WAY!!  I'm obsessed, not gross!  I just like for things to work so to speak.  Don’t judge me, I may fix your toilet one day or unclog your sink.  I’ll admit I’m a little obsessive but it's not something I can’t cope with.  It's not something I even enjoy.  It's just something I gotta do!  I just tend to get hung up in certain situations or get stuck in a loop so to speak.  We all have little obsessions don’t we all?  Sinks and toilets anybody?  Anybody?  Maybe that’s just me.  I feel sorry for those who are REALLY diagnosed with OCD though.  Some people have it really bad.  Counting stair steps or squares in the concrete, washing their hands every ten minutes etc.  Thankfully I’m not one of those…. yet…  I do have my own little monkey traps.  I just though I would share one of mine with you.  We all have them.  What's yours?